Nothing feels right. It should be a gloomy, stormy day. There should be tornados outside everywhere I look because that’s what I feel like is happening in my mind and my heart. I see people acting like this virus is a joke or a scam made up by the government in order to somehow brainwash us and only us. That doesn’t feel right either when my dad—the only man I’ve ever loved with my entire heart, the one who drops anything for me—is laying in the hospital unconscious due to this ruthless sickness. I hope with every single fiber of me that you never have to experience a hurt like this, knowing your loved one (or you) is laying in a hospital bed all alone because you are restricted from seeing them. I would never want anyone to hurt like this.
Instead, it’s a bright, sunshiny day. The wind must be blowing because I hear wind chimes making music. I haven’t brought myself to go outside yet today, mostly because I feel like if I move then time will somehow move forward (like it isn’t already). I’m afraid if I feel the cool morning air that I’ll remember every single morning that I went fishing, working, horseback riding...everything with my dad.
My family is hurting. I never, ever want anyone to experience this pain. And I want to thank everyone for your prayers, and ask you to keep praying. Prayer is all we have left. If it’s God’s plan for a beautiful day when it feels like all should be terrible, then maybe it’s God’s plan for our hearts to have this pain eased off them.
And I’m sorry if I don’t respond to anyone. I’m at a loss for words right now. Words are my safety, and I don’t even have those.
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