One year, my friend (Lindsey) and I were riding a fair ride at the Dade City Fair. It was called the Zipper. We were both small, she was falling out of the seat, and I was screaming the whole time. I think I probably was crying. That’s the kind of rollercoaster I’ve felt that I’ve been on this year. Whenever I have thought about writing anything for 2020, my mind just kind of goes “lol, no” and I don’t want to. This year has just...sucked. It’s the year that took my dad away, how could it not feel terrible?
This year took away many things. Many people. It broke my heart a few times, and then crushed it. But, God didn’t let this year completely go to ruin.
At the beginning of the year, I was chosen as a semi-finalist for a prestigious scholarship, and that was a total shock to me. I was one of two in Alabama. Although I wasn’t a finalist, it just floored me that someone who had no thought of college just four years ago was even considered. After that, it kind of went downhill with quarantine and kidney stones. But I got to spend time with my pup, go fishing with Dad, and work from home with Mom. It was a long summer of online math with no WiFi (yuck, I don’t even like it in person). I became the first college graduate in my family and proved myself stronger and smarter than I thought I was. I started school 3.5 hours away at the most prestigious university in Alabama. I ended the semester, somehow, and kept my 4.0 GPA in tact. I started a new job and made new little friends.
Pretty great things have happened this year. Though I’ve known these people before 2020, they really have shown how amazing they are this year. An incredible woman not only let me use her house all summer to take my tests (since my internet wasn’t stable), but she took me in for almost three weeks while my parents had covid. Ms. Shannon literally held me as I ugly cried all up on her shoulder the night Dad died. I never will be able to thank her enough. Another amazing woman, who has managed to put up with me in her class for four semesters, continually built my confidence up. She helped me get accepted into Samford. Without her, I truly don’t know where I would’ve ended up, had I not met her two fall semesters ago. Ms. Wallace has been a huge comfort to me—she has graciously listened to my sad stories and my grieving moments. She even fed my squirrel obsession and sent me the cutest stuffed animal squirrel that I, of course, named Wendell (as in Wendell Berry). These two women have been a very, very bright light in my 2020.
This was the year that gave me my Otis. He’s just a dog, yep, but he has been able to sort of keep my heart from completely being broken. Through kidney stone pain, wisdom teeth soreness, and losing my dad, he has been right by my side (or on my lap. All 60 pounds of him). He’s the dog that my dad didn’t really want. But he’s also the dog that changed my dad’s mind on a car ride—Otis was hugging onto me when I was taking him to a new home. I think Dad and Otis both knew we would reunite.
Yes, it’s the year the took my dad away. It’s the last year of memories I’ll ever hold of my dad. Do I sometimes wish that this last year could’ve been spent with him instead of at school so much? Yes. So much yes. But I know he was so proud of me for going after what I wanted, and for working hard for it. He taught me how to do that hard work. He taught me to never quit. Obviously, it breaks my heart to know I won’t ever get to see my dad again or hear him say, disgusted, “You’re wearing THAT?!” while I walk out of my room actually looking decent. He knew it would make me roll my eyes at him, so he did it as often as he could. Now, almost every time I look in the mirror when I dress up a little more than normal, I can only hear his voice asking me that.
This year has been more than tough, it’s been nearly impossible. But that’s life. It fees impossible sometimes. Like Dad taught me, though, you never give up.
Happy 2021, friends.
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